We love the idea of New Years, don’t we? It feels a little bit like we get a magical ‘start over’ button once every 365 days – the ultimate ctrl-alt-del of life, if you will! And that’s a good thing because most of us? We really need one!
We are willing to do a lot of, shall we say,…unique things…to chart a path of luck and prosperity through the unknown forests of the days that lie ahead – from eating black-eyed peas (seriously, are we that desperate for good luck!) to opening all the doors and windows in our homes in the middle of winter at midnight…no matter how cold it is outside! My personal favorite, however, is the tradition of forgoing ALL cleaning for the day, including dishes and laundry, because otherwise you could accidentally be ‘sweeping’ or ‘washing’ your good luck away.
Now that is a tradition I can get behind full force. In fact, I love the idea so much that I just might continue it for all 366 days of 2020! You can never have too much luck, you know!
Look, maybe there really is a little bit of magic woven into the tapestry of January 1st, or maybe it’s all in our heads. Who knows?! But either way, there’s nothing wrong with reevaluating ourselves once a year, adjusting our priorities and goals, and making sure our feet are still set upon the best path for our lives. In fact, there’s everything right about it!
It’s also a great time to recalibrate our marriages. We oftentimes fail to tune up our relationships. However, it’s vitally important that we do so. Even the most technologically advanced aircraft requires regularly scheduled maintenance to keep it running smoothly; your marriage is no different!Even the most technologically advanced aircraft requires regularly scheduled maintenance to keep it running smoothly; your marriage is no different! Click To Tweet
As the new year makes its entrance with a fantastic fiesta of fireworks, midnight smooches, tasty treats, and hopeful toasts, let’s take it a step further! Let’s resolve to do whatever it takes to heal our relationships, love our spouses well, and to have the most amazing marriages possible this upcoming year!
To help get you on the right road, here are a few great resolutions that you can institute into your New Years that are guaranteed to help revitalize your aviation marriage – no black-eyed peas necessary!
1. Resolve to help her. Clean a bathroom, do some dishes, vacuum the floors, cook her dinner. Ask her what needs done, and do it…regularly! Jump in and be part of the home environment; after all, it’s your home too! Marriage is a team effort. She needs to know that you are all in this life with her, toilets and all.
2. Resolve to tell her. I know that you think she knows how much you love her…and deep down she does. But a woman needs to hear her husband verbalize that love to her often. Be intentional about telling your wife how much you love her. They are the most important and beautiful words she will ever hear.
3. Resolve to honor her. When you chose her to be your wife, you chose only her. You vowed to love, cherish, and honor her as your beloved. This includes with your actions, words, body, and eyes. Pornography, flirtations, and wandering eyes of a husband are incredibly demoralizing for a woman and destroy her self-esteem. Make sure she is your one and only. Period. If you have sexual addictions, please seek help. It is a disease, and it will destroy your marriage and the people you love.
4. Resolve to give her a break. Your wife works really hard to support you and your flying career and to keep things running smoothly back at home while you are away. It can be a tedious and unrewarding at times. She needs a break every now and then to regroup and recenter. Make an intentional plan to take over and let her go do something for herself once at least every couple of months, even if it’s just for a couple of hours.
5. Resolve to hold her. Sometimes, she just needs to be held. Not with intent. Not because you want something from her. Hold her without expectation. Kiss her on the forehead. Stroke her hair. Hold her hand while you walk. Wrap your arms around her and just…be.
1. Resolve to encourage him. In a world full of discouragement, he needs to know that his wife has his back. Always. Speak words of encouragement every single day. Lift him up. Tell him how proud you are of him and how amazing he is. You are his biggest and most important cheerleader. Cheer loudly!
2. Resolve to desire him. Sexual intimacy is, for the majority of men, an essential and irreplaceable expression of love. Withholding sex from your husband is highly destructive to your marriage. He needs you to be more than present; he needs you to be an active participant. Don’t force him to always be the first one to initiate sex. He is yours and you are his; pursue him!
3. Resolve to respect him. Whereas women need to feel deeply loved, men need to feel deeply respected. He wants nothing more than to be your hero; let him! Look at him and really listen when he speaks. Honor him with your words, both in person and on social media. Verbalize to him the things that you admire about him.
4. Resolve to trust him. Allowing yourself to constantly consider worst case scenarios (and hanging out with those who do the same) will only create bitterness, resentment, and distrust where none actually exists. He’s your husband; you know him. He chose YOU! You have to trust him unless he gives you reason not to. Instead of constantly thinking the worst, constantly think of ways to make it the best!
5. Resolve to F.L.Y. What the heck does that have to do with him? Everything, actually! When you fail to F.L.Y. – to first love yourself – you are failing your marriage. Your husband needs a spiritually, physically, mentally healthy wife. You cannot pour water from an empty cup. Fill yourself up with joy so that you have something to share with him.
1. Resolve to see one another. Perspective, perspective, perspective. Presumptions are dangerous and almost always wrong. When we see our spouse from a limited box of our own circumstances, we are completely missing their bigger picture. They need us to put aside our preconceived notions about what aviation life is like for them and truly strive to understand his/her point of view. Perspective changes everything.
2. Resolve to pray for one another. Most of us fail at this, miserably. Oh, we might throw in a quick ‘and protect my spouse’ at dinner time, but most of us are not regularly, intentionally, specifically spending quality time praying for our spouses. Sincere prayer will not only insert God’s power and protection over your spouse and into your marriage, but it will soften your own heart and open up new avenues of perspective as well. It is hard to be angry at someone for whom you are sincerely praying. If you need help, check out my aviation specific prayer books.
3. Resolve to fight for one another. We spend entirely too much time fighting against each other and not enough fighting for one another. Your husband…your wife…is not the enemy! It should be you and your spouse against the world, not you and the world against your spouse. He/she is the person that you chose to do this life together with. Before you speak, before you act, before you react…ask yourself, am I on the right side – my spouse’s side?
4. Resolve to forgive one another. You and your spouse are two flawed, opinionated, strong, complicated human beings trying your best to do life together. There’s no doubt that you are going to hurt one another every now and then. That’s just life! Learn to forgive and to ask for forgiveness. Unresolved hurt festers into resentment and long-term bitterness. The best thing you can do for your marriage is learn to forgive and ask for forgiveness freely.
5. Resolve to include one another. Your spouse feels left out. It doesn’t matter if you are the traveler or the one left behind, your spouse at one point or another feels like your life does not include him/her. That is one of the nuances of this lifestyle. We each have a life together…and one when we are apart. And that can make us feel very lonely and alienated from one another. Help your wife/husband feel included in your ‘other’ life by talking often, sharing lots of pictures, and telling them about your day…even the stuff that feels mundane to you. Make sure they feel like they belong…because they do!
A brand new year is about to roll into town clothed in brightly colored fireworks and funny glasses. It will bring with it mystique, hope, and endless possibility.
I don’t know if there’s magic in the day; but maybe, just maybe, there is! Or perhaps the real magic lies within our choices. So go ahead, put on your yellow and green undies, hang an onion on your front door, pick up that empty suitcase and go for a stroll around the block…and then resolve to do whatever it takes to make your aviation marriage the best it can possibly be this year.
I love you, aviation family. Sending you all the joy, love, and luck your hearts can handle throughout the upcoming year…and all the ones to come.
Blue skies and tailwinds,
Just Winging It: Prayers for My Pilot Wife (autographed)
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