I’m going to jump right in and set a couple of crazy, crooked rumors straight.
Yes, I am really married to a pilot, something that I think is readily obvious if you scan through my page or website. It kind of surprises me that this is even a matter of question at all, but whatever. I am.
Yes, my pilot flies commercially, though we have flown the whole, beautiful, airline spectrum over the years. We have been part 135, part 121, part 91 and part insane—all at one time or another. Make that completely insane all the time. You sort of have to be to live this life well!
No, I don’t get paid (and never have) by any airline to write blogs. Zip. Nada. Nothing. You’re just going to have to take my word on that one, but I’d drive a much cooler car (i.e. one with twin engines and a set of wings) and eat a lot more steak and a lot less Ramen if someone was paying me the big buckaroos. I mean, I humbly thank you for finding my writing compelling enough to believe it’s worth the big dollar signs–that’s quite the [unintentional] compliment. But, nope. Not a single penny.
Listen, I don’t even take money (or merchandise) for product endorsement because I want the things I say to you to be real and from my own heart. Here’s what you can bank on. If I tell you I like something, it’s because I do, not because I was paid to say I do. And if I write something, it’s because I mean it, not because someone told me I have to mean it. That is my promise to you.
Now. Tomorrow. Always.
Yes, sometimes I am snarky. Well, I like to think of it as charming and witty, but I’ll concede. The thing is, we live a chaotic, topsy-turvy, and oftentimes lonely life of comings and goings. Sometimes it can be pretty difficult and I deal with them by making light and joking about heavy things. It’s a survival technique. I know my aviation family gets exactly what I’m talking about. There are so many times when you either have to laugh or you’ll cry. I simply choose to laugh.
No, I am not ashamed to be a pilot’s wife. I mean, what?!?! My name is Angelia—again, pretty readily available. I like my name. I choose to sign my blogs as ‘a fellow pilot wife’ as a means of identifying with my beautiful audience which consists predominantly of, you guessed it, pilots’ wives. I was informed (more than once and in different verbiage) that, “It is shameful and disgusting for a woman in today’s world to identify herself by her man’s career. You should be deeply ashamed of yourself.” And here’s my heartfelt response:
The heck I should be!
Do you want to know what I think is disgusting and shameful? Demeaning and shaming a complete stranger for loving her husband, that’s what. And do you want to know what I think is sexist? Presuming that a woman is incapable of being wildly successful in her own field and still loving her husband well at the same time. That’s what.
I am woman. I am more than capable.
I don’t spend a lot of time here bragging myself up and making myself look super-duper special because (a) I founded this site to pour into you, my lovely aviation family, not to stroke my own ego, and (b) I have full, unwavering confidence in my identity. Therefore, I don’t feel the need to explain myself to anyone, especially a bunch of strangers whose only intent is to tear me down. Sorry, but I just don’t care what you think. I’m sorry if that sounds snarky… Eh, who am I fooling? No, I’m not.
For the full record I’m going to do this one time and one time only for those of you who want to really know who I am. If you want to skip my resume and move onto the next paragraph, by all means go ahead. It won’t hurt my feelings.
- The owner and operator of my very own Publishing company, AGF Publishing.
- The published author of not one, but two, full-length fiction novels (think C.S. Lewis or Tolkien): The Crystal Keys Series: Champion of Destiny (book I) and Sera Oth Berinon (Book II). Click on the link and check them out. Or just go to Amazon. Seriously, selfless plug right there because I don’t get paid to blog and need some wine and chocolate money. So yeah, check it out!
- A mother to two amazing, but ridiculously busy children. I usually write on the fly, literally.
- A full-time homeschool teacher to those same two children. Who knew the only thing I would ever use algebra for would be to teach my own kids algebra. Oh, the irony.
- The owner and operator of a small farm including 60 head of livestock (mostly poultry) and a large, productive garden.
- The liaison and weekly volunteer for a local homeless ministry (we make about 10K hygiene kits per year to be handed out to homeless around the community).
- An assistant to my husband in his event coordinator position for an awesome program that gives special needs children wings.
- Apparently, a megaviral blogger. One that does not get paid. Wait… Did I mention that already?
- A magazine contributor and a freelance writer for other online sources (including my other two blogs). Yeah, sometimes [rarely] I get paid for this, but most of my content is farm related. I’ve honestly been too busy loving on aviation families to write for that recently though.
- Mentor to 12K incredible aviation men and women in a fight to encourage their marriages at a wildly popular aviation blog. You know the one (**wink, wink!)
- Supporter, founder, and volunteer for several other amazing nonprofits.
- And…oh, yeah…a pilot’s wife.
That’s me in a nut shell; and I do mean nut. I’m certainly not ashamed of who I am. Not even a little bit.
Now, this is where this blog gets interesting and where I (thankfully) get to turn it back to you and make a very potent statement about this life we live. I think it’s quite obvious that my identity is much, much more than ‘just’ a pilot’s wife. I am, quite frankly, too busy at times juggling all of the aspects of my identity.
What if I didn’t have a zillion other things piled up on my plate? What if I wasn’t ‘more than?’ What if I was ‘just’ a stay-at-home pilot’s wife and/or mommy and that was the identity I chose to embrace at this juncture of my life?
So friggin’ what!?
In fact, if that’s you, MEGA kudos to you for that! If you have chosen to focus on being an amazing wife and/or an amazing mom as your current career path, then you are a full-blown superhero worthy of accolades and great honor. That’s ‘what if!’
Since when did being an amazing, loving wife who holds down the fort, supports her husband well, and keeps things rolling on the home front become a thing of humiliation and shame? Since when did raising the next generation to become compassionate, able, productive members of society become a lesser career? We need more of that, not less! Just read the comments on the internet if you don’t believe me. No, on second thought…don’t.
Look, the things you are doing are incomparably important, amazing, and precious! Being a wife? That is a beautiful and worthy career. Being a mom? That is an esteemed occupation on a level with medicine or law…or aviation.
If you choose wifehood and/or motherhood as your sole career, hold your head up and be proud. You are simply amazing because you are FLYing in the way that is best suited for you, my beautiful sister! To suggest anything else is nothing less than assanine.
And if you are a pilot’s wife and/or mom who chooses to hold a job outside the home? Kudos to you too, beautiful sister! I’m certainly not downplaying your choice. You are amazing because you are FLYing in your own way!
The only wrong way to live this life is to not live it–or to let some bitter fool tell you that you should be ashamed of how you choose to live it.
If you pick what makes you happy (whatever that is), and if you pour yourself into the things that matter to you most, and if you follow your heart and do everything you do with exceeding joy and fervor, if you treat others with kindness and compassion…
You have nothing to be ashamed of! In fact, you have everything to be proud of.
Listen to me, you beautiful, strong, amazing women! There is no shame in being a pilot’s wife! You are the glue that holds this life together. You are the compass that guides him home. You have the great honor of loving your husband well. You wear a thousand hats on any given day. You are a plumber, a business woman, an accountant, a chef, a mechanic, a carpenter, a counselor, a homemaker, a scheduler, an encourager, and on and on. And if you have children? More hats—doctor, teacher, chauffeur, coach, contortionist, referee, nurse, friend, short order cook, disciplinarian, wonder woman!
No one gets to tell you that you should be ashamed. No one gets to demean you. No one gets to consider your value lesser. No one gets to judge you. Ever. Because they don’t know what I do—what you do.
They don’t know what amazing strength it takes to walk through your unique life circumstances. They don’t know the trials you have survived. They don’t know what it takes to love a traveling spouse well.
And they have forgotten that being a wife and/or a mother is a great blessing–a sweet, precious gift.
So am I pilot wife ashamed?
Hell no!! I am pilot wife proud.
And you should be too.
I love you, aviation family.
~Angelia (a confident, proud, unashamed, fellow pilot wife)
CHECK OUT THE JUST WINGING IT SERIES BY ANGELIA GRIFFIN HERE!
31 thoughts on “Pilot Wife Proud”
I found you blog after your post about United that my pilot boyfriend had posted on Facebook, which let me just say sparked arguments in his comment section, but then again, when doesn’t he spark controversy? Any who, I just want to thank you. I’ve been following your blog since and I’m hooked. I’m still “new” to this pilot life stuff – we’ve been dating for 2 years, but he just started flying commercially last fall. We’re young, both fairly recent college graduates. I’ve already gotten plenty of the “how do you do it?” and “So you’re like “single” half of the time?” comments already. I have my good days, and I definitely have my moments, but your blog gives me so much hope that I can do this. You’ve shown me that it’s all about perspective and letting go of what everyone else’s “norm” is and finding your own “normal.” I so look forward to continuing to follow your journey!
Thank you for being a part of #thepilotwifelife family. It seems I sparked controversy all over the world with the blog that shall not be named. LOL.
You absolutely 💯 can do this! And do it WELL I might add. Finding your normal is totally correct. This life is full of joy. Perspective is everything. I often try to answer questions which are unintentionally steeped in negative connotation with a positive response. For instance…the single thing. You could easily go into pity mode and talk about how hard it is…or say, “I am so proud to have a passionate, hardworking man who supports me!” Perspective!
I’m living and loving the pilot wife life, in spite of the haters.
So my wife will be a Pilot Wife soon and I completely agree with you…my wife has been the rock that has supported this family from day one…without her strength, determination and instinct, I wouldn’t be able to follow my dream of becoming a pilot.
Love this! Good luck on making your dreams come true and hold onto that wife. She sounds like a wonderful one. ❤️
My husband, of 15 wonderful years, has decided to change careers and become an airlines pilot. I am so thankful I found your blog. I have been reading all that I can about being the wife of a pilot and it sounds like a lot of people have found it to be a very difficult life. Your blog has brought a bit of hope to our upcoming adventure, THANK YOU!!! Other than a few years of crop dusting, his air time has consisted of towing gliders at our local airport on the weekends. The crop dusting time was brutal for me. He was gone for 3 to 4 months at a time with no breaks to come home, and his schedule did not allow me to visit him. I completely understand the loneliness expressed by some of your readers. I am 100% committed to this change and I am willing to make whatever change that needs to be done to make the transition smooth, which is different from my first time around. We do not have kids, and our current commitments are minor. I have no idea what to expect with this new life and I was hoping you might have some advise to help us through this.
Hello, Marie. I believe you will actually find airlines easier than life as a cropduster wife. Though training is about 6-8 weeks, that’s a breeze (literally) for you. Afterward, he will only be gone a couple days at a time with long, uninterrupted blocks of time together. When he is home, make the most of your time together. When he is gone, F.L.Y. (first love yourself…check out that blog if you have not, as it is my core mission here). My husband and I love our shared calendar (we use Google, but there are many options) because he can see what I have going on and meld into our life more seamlessly as he returns, and I can see where he is and know when we can chat, etc. It really makes this life much easier. I highly suggest it. Give yourself permission to enjoy life when he is not home…and give him permission to do the same. If you are both filled with contentment and joy, you will be much better for each other when you are together. Find a community such as this one that you love and participate (I also have a FB page that I update with encouragement and fun daily that you should follow). BUT avoid negativity like the plague it is. It will slowly corrode your hearts and grow resentment. You don’t need that. Love each other fiercely every day, and you are going to love being a pilot’s wife. You might also check out my new books that I released this week. They are a great resource for aviation marriages. You can find them under my #TPWL shop at the top of the website. Blessings, sister. You’ve got this!
Thank you so much for your advise. It has really put me at ease. I went into this thinking I could do it but after spending most of one day reading about how awful the life is I was starting to doubt I could do it. You gave me back that original confidence. Blessings to you as well and thank you for your wonderful blog. I am looking forward to reading more from you, along with your book!
Awww, Marie. It’s not awful at all. So many women love their pilots and this life, but they have been silent because the cranky majority gets the voice and it just wasn’t worth the time. Some people are disgruntled no matter what and complain loudly, but truly their lack of joy is less about the life than their inner turmoil. I live being a pilot’s wife and so do my followers. We love our spouses out loud. You are going to be fine. Stay away from that negativity. It’s toxic.