Immensely so, in fact. Skybrary deems it of ‘critical importance that the fuel taken on board at uplift is not contaminated in any way since the effects of any such contamination are likely to affect all engines.’

Thankfully, airline incidents due to contaminant uplift are rare due to careful regulation and monitoring of jet fuel as well as the transport/holding tanks. Once refined to specification and delivered to an airport storage facility, fuel is drained daily to remove any water condensation that may have resulted. It is then filtered at least twice before uplift to make sure it is free of all particulate matter or any trace water that could damage the aircraft’s fuel system.

Guess what? Your marriage cannot run on contaminated fuel either. I encourage you to stop and think about that for a moment too. The things that you allow to flow into your mind and heart through a plethora of mechanisms (social media, conversations, belief systems, etc.) are the fuel for your life and your marriage, for better or worse.

The things that you allow to flow into your mind and heart through a plethora of mechanisms (social media, conversations, belief systems, etc.) are the fuel for your life and your marriage, for better or worse. Click To Tweet.

Listen to me because this is super important; if you are allowing people to uplift fuel contaminated with negativity, fear, resentment, bitter particulates, etc. into your tanks, you may have the brief illusion of running smoothly for a short time, but eventually your marriage will begin to sputter, die, and come crashing back to the earth. At worst, the destruction will be irreparable. At the best, there will be massive damage to the inner workings of your relationship.

I often hear the words, ‘Oh, I don’t participate in those [negative] conversations on other sites; I just read them!’ You cannot imagine how those words pain me – like a dagger straight to my heart. The thing is, I love you so very much. I think of you constantly. I pray for you often. When I see things that I know are detrimental to your joy and your marriage, it breaks me. This is one of those things. 

I know you think you are ‘just reading,’ or ‘not participating’ but our eyes are the pipelines to our souls. Psychologists have studied the effects of negative visual input on our psyche. The consensus is that ‘not only do negative events and experiences imprint more quickly, but they also linger longer than positive ones.’ Interestingly women are somewhat more susceptible to this phenomenon, known as negativity bias, than men. 

Not only do negative events and experiences imprint more quickly, but they also linger longer than positive ones. Click To Tweet

Furthermore, it was also found that people who are exposed to negative input spend more time thinking and talking about their fears and are far more likely to catastrophize their worry.  Castastrophizing is when ‘you think about a worry so persistently that you begin to make it seem much worse than it was at the outset and much worse than it is in reality — basically, a tendency to make mountains out of molehills!‘ 

To apply these concepts specifically to our unique lifestyle, let’s look at an all-too common scenario. If your husband doesn’t call when expected and you have been exposed to negative threads full of infidelity, spousal complaining, or even aviation accidents, you are exponentially more likely to project your fears upon your spouse, substantiate your building anxiety with self-created sensationalized scenarios, and become bitter or upset, causing you to knee-jerk react to him (irrationally) in anger, frustration, harshness, or fear when he finally does call. And of course, I don’t have to tell you how the rest of that conversation goes. We all know.

When we have been exposed to positive thoughts about our spouses and their careers and surround ourselves with those who speak love and life into our marriages, however, we are far more likely to remain calm, consider the vast array of benign reasons why he may not have called yet instead of jumping to extreme conclusions, and react in a far more rational and compassionate manner when he finally gets the opportunity to phone or text. “Oh, it was just a weather delay!”

Friends, when we ‘just’ read words of spousal bashing, sensationalized professional stereotypes, raging resentment, and negativity, we ARE allowing those dangerous contaminants to pour unfiltered into our delicate hearts and settle there in our love tanks. And when we participate in them, we have the valve full open.  

That contaminant is deadly. It will and does taint your actions, exacerbate your emotions, and affect your thoughts processes in a profound manner. I have mentored marriages over and over (and over) who have experienced this very phenomenon. “I had no idea how deeply those things were affecting me until it was too late!” one Pilot Wife confided. 

This is not just important to your marriage. It is of critical importance. 

Today, I beg you to perform a fuel check. What is it that you are you allowing to pour into your heart? Who are you allowing to speak into your marriage, whether intentionally or non-intentionally? Have you rationalized away and minimized the effects of these contaminants upon your relationships? The words that we speak/type are the overflow of our hearts. What do those words say about your fuel sources? 

The words that we speak/type are the overflow of our hearts. What do those words say about your fuel sources? Click To Tweet

Believe me, it is much more emotionally, spiritually, and even financially cost effective to dump the contaminated fuel than to rebuild the entire aircraft…or scrap it altogether. 

I know we need community to survive this life. I am the first to admit that it’s of great import to find your crew – the right crew – in order to live this lifestyle well. However, I implore you so seek your camaraderie and friendships and advice – fill your tanks, per se – from sources that offer clean, filtered, contaminant-free fuel! Remember, even a little bit of contamination ruins the whole batch. Your marriage is the most important craft you will pilot today; let’s make choices in our associations and words that clearly reflect that truth. 

Your marriage is the most important craft you will pilot today. Click To Tweet

I love you, family. I desperately want your marriages to thrive and soar to new heights! I want you to know the pure joy of living a life filled with positive influences. I deeply desire for us to build and maintain a thriving, supportive community that lifts one another up and refuses to accept stereotyping and negativity – contaminated fuel – as the tolerable norm. I think we deserve better than that; I think we are better than that. 

Today, let’s commit together to filter out the contaminants that have been tainting our lives and relationships and fill ourselves up with the good stuff.

Because it matters.